Weddings or Funerals?

You know those forwards people are always sending that are like quizzes which are supposed to help people get to know each other better? You answer one of the two options for several questions such as "White or Black," "Pizza or Steak," etc. Then, you send the e-mail back to the friend who forwarded it to you so they can see your answers. Of course, their answers were all there, and you got to see them as you deleted to put your answer in.

Well, today, a new question, one I've never seen on these, popped into my head - "Weddings or Funerals." Why? Because I found out that one of my brothers who didn't attend the wedding this past week had a perfectly good excuse, he was at Disneyland with his in-laws. It is a trip that they make every year, and never would consider using their vacation for anything else, except, well, funerals. The same brother was there in 3 days notice when my nephew drowned in a pool. He had to travel farther, make shorter notice plans, etc. But, he said he needed to be there for our brother. So, with almost a year's notice for the wedding, it was harder to plan I guess. Had he been at another niece's wedding a year earlier, he would have known then about this one too. But, no, he didn't come to that one either. I try not to be judgmental about things like this when he does them. Either way, it made me reflect.

As a child, I remember the family funerals, many of them. They were celebratory occasions! Food, fellowship and lots of bickering. (My nephew's funeral wasn't so bad, by the way, other than all the heavy hearts and familial strangers who feel the need to show up at such times.) To this day, I despise attending funerals, and only do to honor those living with the grief. But, I rarely remember a family wedding. My mom came from a very large family, and my dad was one of 3 siblings. There were lots of cousins, aunts, uncles, etc., more than ample opportunity for weddings and celebrations at family holidays. But, I don't really remember many, just a few here and there, and an occasional Thanksgiving dinner with an extra relative or two.

I suspect my father once had the same musing I'm toying with today. When I was around 8 he started organizing a yearly family reunion for his side of the family. It would be a great day of food, fellowship and catching up. We'd do it at a park, or a church, or wherever. It moved around too, so more family could participate. Most of the relatives I had never met until the first gathering. After that, though, I had very fond memories of all but the ones who spent their whole time playing baseball. I'm sure they had fond memories too, even though I never met them. Either way, it seems Dad had figured out something important - life is when you make memories, not death.

So, for me the answer is WEDDINGS!!!! definitely. I prefer a culture of life, a culture of community, a culture of family. Though some people don't put a priority on communing with family while living, I've decided that I do. I really prefer to get to know someone rather than show up at a stranger's funeral.

If you want, you can count this an idle musing of a strange person who lives in the woods, chases animals all day, and hates to use their clothes dryer. But, I'm content with my newly realized paradigm. I hope this gives you pause to consider which you prefer.