Weddings or Funerals?

You know those forwards people are always sending that are like quizzes which are supposed to help people get to know each other better? You answer one of the two options for several questions such as "White or Black," "Pizza or Steak," etc. Then, you send the e-mail back to the friend who forwarded it to you so they can see your answers. Of course, their answers were all there, and you got to see them as you deleted to put your answer in.

Well, today, a new question, one I've never seen on these, popped into my head - "Weddings or Funerals." Why? Because I found out that one of my brothers who didn't attend the wedding this past week had a perfectly good excuse, he was at Disneyland with his in-laws. It is a trip that they make every year, and never would consider using their vacation for anything else, except, well, funerals. The same brother was there in 3 days notice when my nephew drowned in a pool. He had to travel farther, make shorter notice plans, etc. But, he said he needed to be there for our brother. So, with almost a year's notice for the wedding, it was harder to plan I guess. Had he been at another niece's wedding a year earlier, he would have known then about this one too. But, no, he didn't come to that one either. I try not to be judgmental about things like this when he does them. Either way, it made me reflect.

As a child, I remember the family funerals, many of them. They were celebratory occasions! Food, fellowship and lots of bickering. (My nephew's funeral wasn't so bad, by the way, other than all the heavy hearts and familial strangers who feel the need to show up at such times.) To this day, I despise attending funerals, and only do to honor those living with the grief. But, I rarely remember a family wedding. My mom came from a very large family, and my dad was one of 3 siblings. There were lots of cousins, aunts, uncles, etc., more than ample opportunity for weddings and celebrations at family holidays. But, I don't really remember many, just a few here and there, and an occasional Thanksgiving dinner with an extra relative or two.

I suspect my father once had the same musing I'm toying with today. When I was around 8 he started organizing a yearly family reunion for his side of the family. It would be a great day of food, fellowship and catching up. We'd do it at a park, or a church, or wherever. It moved around too, so more family could participate. Most of the relatives I had never met until the first gathering. After that, though, I had very fond memories of all but the ones who spent their whole time playing baseball. I'm sure they had fond memories too, even though I never met them. Either way, it seems Dad had figured out something important - life is when you make memories, not death.

So, for me the answer is WEDDINGS!!!! definitely. I prefer a culture of life, a culture of community, a culture of family. Though some people don't put a priority on communing with family while living, I've decided that I do. I really prefer to get to know someone rather than show up at a stranger's funeral.

If you want, you can count this an idle musing of a strange person who lives in the woods, chases animals all day, and hates to use their clothes dryer. But, I'm content with my newly realized paradigm. I hope this gives you pause to consider which you prefer.

ADDENDUM to Vacation - Employing the Clothes Dryer

I just wanted to add this little note of frustration to traveling. When we returned home to what had been a flood zone in our absence, and days of rain still forecast, and a very damp feeling house, we were struck with the task of drying 11 days of laundry for the four of us. Normally, you can see clothes on the clothes line, or even racks around the house, but the humidity level was a bit too high for that. So, our dryer, which is normally just a work space for folding laundry and fills an empty hole where dryers belong in the laundry room, offered its services. The dryer seems quite happy with gobbling up electricity for which we will be billed, removing lint, and drying our cottons (hopefully to the same size they originally were) for us. As a matter of fact, I think it is even feeling a little loved, though that is just a misperception on its part. So, Vacation Note: unplug the dryer so it can't order wet weather and force its use when you get home!

Oh, well. . . ..

Life, Vacations and GPS

We've returned from what I fear may be our last full-fledged family vacation. We loaded all 8 of us into the Suburban and drove cross-country to our eldest niece's wedding in PA, then hit the road after the wedding to trek on up to Northern Maine to see family. Actually, only all 8 of us were there for the drive from PA - No. ME - Bangor, as two of us didn't get sufficient time off and had to fly to PA, then fly out of Bangor in order to be at work on extra days.

On Traveling as a Crowd:
It always, yes always, surprises me how surprised people are that our family can exist and still love each other in such close quarters. A Suburban is a massive vehicle, but load over 1,000 pounds of humans into it and it gets tight. The kids all shared the two back seats well, taking turns and switching locations for a variety of reasons. We only had one meltdown, but that is to be expected over the course of a 4,000 mile journey, and was quickly recovered. We shared snacks we packed, shared expenses of gas and hotels, and just chatted away endlessly. One of the keys is to have some distractions. Our distractions? MP3 players, GameBoy Advance, Computers, Cameras, "Do The Right Thing" by Mike Huckabee, and my own personal one - "The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide." Funny thing is, we talked so much we used very few of our distractions.

On Vacationing with a Farm at Home:
This is my least favorite part of vacationing - the animals we left behind. We had a wonderful neighbor caring for the outdoor animals, and locked the cats and indoor animals in with enough food to grow fat and lazy in our absence. Our cats are all house broken, so I wasn't sure how much litter they would need for 11 days. Well, 1 box per cat for eleven days is not enough. Our super conscientious Siamese thought sure we were going to discipline her for going to the bathroom in the house when we got back, so she hid upon our return only to come out and caterwaul at our bedroom door when the lights went out. We finally convinced her that we weren't upset. The fish got a great feeding pyramid, and though it was only for 7 days, it kept them alive for 11. The bird has bowls of water and food at his feet, that look more like litter boxes now, but he is alive too! I felt worse for Ruby, our lab mix, though. She HATES thunder storms, and wouldn't you know? Every day we were gone there was a thunderstorm. She had to stay out in the storms (in her dog house, but not with us) and was very happy to see us. It's always a lot of work to come home to animals you've had babysat, but nice to be able to leave.

On Friends and GPS:
Jay has a friend at work who loaned him a nice Garmin GPS for the trip. Jay had wanted to take one since he hears all sorts of wonderful marketing for them on talk radio, and since I like technology he thought it would be fun for me to have one for the trip. So, we loaded up, turned it on, and within about 15 mintues I was ready to smash it to bits on the road. Yes, it is the most recent technology and can do wonderful things like "recalculate" when you make a turn it didn't understand how to tell you not to make. My favorite was the time it told us "keep left, and keep right" for the CENTER lane. Huh? Well, we kept left, but then there was no right to keep as we had merged onto a different highway, so we hear the dreadful two bongs and "recalculating." After 4,000 miles, we now understand its little oddities better, but still wouldn't want to take one again. I love how it tells you to drive 400 yards and turn right when you are on the top floor of the Eastern Maine Medical Center parking garage facing the Penobscot River. WE didn't listen to that instruction obviously. So, NO to GPS for me for quite some time. It was helpful in finding a great little pizza place in Wrightsville, PA though. If you have a chance, it is Wrightsville Pizza, and wonderful.

On Time:
YES!!! There is NEVER enough time when visiting friends and family, but yes we did enjoy it anyway.


So, in summary: we had a great trip. Did some interesting things, saw some interesting sites, and are glad to be home on the farm again. Now, for the mowing and cleanup from all the storms while we were gone. I've got about 100 loads of laundry to go! Wish me well.